2017 Moments of Gratitude

Last year, I vowed to take "2016 High Jumps".

This year, plenty of belly flops and back smacks later, I'm pledging gratitude.

Now I know gratitude isn't the sexiest,

most exciting 

New Year's Resolution. 

I know that gratitude

may feel much like that re-gifted present from your stingy aunt,

or a gag gift from your brother,

But what else are well-meaning hearts of gold and minds full of prank to do?

Gratitude. 

It finds the magic in the mess,

the lesson in the hard,

the grace in the grind,

the empathy in the pain.

Gratitude is neither passive acceptance nor a defeated settling into the crumminess that is.

Gratitude is

eating,

sleeping,

and breathing

with a magnetic heart 

charged to tirelessly attract the unimaginable,

the unexpected,

the love,

the miracles,

the progress

that we all need

this year.

2017,

our hearts are grateful,

our eyes full of hope.

We

are

ready.

9/11

I remember that day like a foggy dream.

I was 10 years old,

at school

in my sleepy Minnesotan town,

with a world view no bigger

than the woods surrounding my house.

So much fog.

So much smoke.

First came the fear, 

Then came the hate.

Fear, fear.

Hate, Hate.

Fear, hate, fear.

The towers fell,

Dad sat us down,

the military called,

he served,

we moved,

I woke up.

First came the understanding,

Then came the love.

Understanding love,

Lovely understanding,

that the divide between good and evil 

runs along no border

of country,

creed,

or race,

rather it cuts through the heart of every creature,

leaving it up to us,

which we choose to emanate,

leaving it up to us

to remember those who have gone before,

leaving it up to us,

to understand,

protect,

and love.

Hey, mamasita

Words cannot adequately even begin to capture the soul that is my mother, but if I don't try then I'm doing a great disservice to humanity. Because she is the kind of woman you write about. The kind of woman you preserve in word, thought, and deed because heaven forbid that any generation go on without her, or anyone think her less than a goddess, even in her own dark places. For she is the light when the power goes out, the glue to repair life's chipping, and the hands that hold it all together while it dries. She's the kind of woman that glows. The kind of woman that makes everyone laugh, cry, and love more. And 9 times out of 10 she's laughing, crying, and loving more right beside you. She's the kind of woman that leaves her path better than when she came, each passing traveler a little lighter, her home a standing sanctuary to all. Anything she touches, in fact, becomes safe: the fears, the hopes, the dreams, the heartbreak. And if you don't believe in magic by now, you will when you meet her. For she is the kind of woman magic is made of.

Come as you are

Shortly after our first steps

society demands:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

So, we answer:

Maybe a mom,

A dad,

A firefighter,

A garbage man,

An explorer,

A veterinarian,

A pilot,

A doctor,

A rockstar,

A gymnast.

Perhaps some combination of all the above,

All noble attempts 

to sketch out our life

and prepare,

predict,

play pretend,

the way the world seems fit.

But then one day,

a few of us wake,

with delayed cramps,

and growing pains,

to find 

that

        we 

                                                                                      don't

                                               fit 

                                       as  

                       nicely 

                                                                                        as 

                                                                                                                           we 

thought.

Into the mold created

by the roles we thought we'd fill.

And suddenly what we are isn't enough

to satisfy that divine quench.

We feel empty,

unfulfilled,

lost,

even deprived

of the question no one was ever brave enough to ask:

Who do you want to be when you grow up?

But it is never too late,

to be who you might have been,

and this most important path of becoming,

requires no particular test, degree, or title,

just an open heart,

a questioning mind,

and willing feet.

"There are many roads to the top of Mt. Fiji".

So come as you are,

stay a while,

and the what's, where's, how's, and why's,

will fall into place,

I promise you.

Moving Mountains

I used to think

my love could move mountains,

clothe the beggar,

feed the starved,

melt the hard-hearted,

sober the addicted,

comfort the lonely,

heal the sick,

find the lost,

restore the broken.

But then I realized,

that my love-power was quite weak.

And that sometimes people just don't call back,

and they rage war,

and they hate,

while others starve,

and more fear,

and then your plant dies,

and your dog gets sick,

and your dad can't sober up,

and your mom tires,

and your siblings wander,

while your friends get lost,

and your love-power depletes

with every ounce you spend,

and the mountains grow,

but they don't move an inch.

For love does not move mountains,

but liberates us,

moves us,

transforms us,

heals us,

teaches us,

directs us,

and collects us,

toward that greater peak-

our individual roads ever-diverging-

and as we travel,

spending our love-energy along the way,

those we meet,

and those who follow

take heart,

And our love

renders us worthy

and moves us all.

So silly to think

I once thought 

our love could only move mountains.

Two Thousand and Sixteen High Jumps

The High Dive

I once watched a girl 

Attempt the high dive

About 25 times 

Before she finally leapt

(nay, flopped)

into the deep pool below.

And as much as I laughed inside,

with every small child that passed her by

flipping,

twirling,

diving,

without inhibition,

On so many levels 

I knew exactly how she felt.

Because we've all been that girl on the high dive:

Our toes dangling on the edge of something great,

Eyes surveying the height,

Mind weighing the pros and cons,

Heart pumped by exhilarated breathing,

We

                                                               Step

                                             Back.

We think.

We fear.

We retreat.

We would rather miss the fall,

the potential flop,

that bruising smack of failure,

the embarrassment of emerging 

wind knocked-out

and 

spirits 

low.

We simply

would 

rather 

not.

With a new year right around the corner, I want to jump more...

I want to feel the rush,

the plunge,

the smack,

the bubbles,

the lungs choking on chlorinated laughter

the gasps,

the applause.

I want to feel it all.

So take the job, 

tell him how you feel,

try out a new hobby,

reconnect with that family member,

call old friends,

     u

      J    m

               p

    u

      J    m

               p

and then

    u

      J    m

               p

some more.

Here's to 2016 high jumps.

May we all take them, daringly.

Fighters Gotta Fight

A calloused scar

On the right corner of my bottom lip

Marks the spot

Where truth once leaked.

It tasted less like triumph

And more like salted blood--

The savor of a fatigued amateur boxer

Freshly bruised from

Her first bout.

It hurt

Like a swift jab

To the chest,

The momentum

of

Fierce, naive love

Stopped

In

Its

Tracks.

A full heart

S
    h
a
       t
t
            e
r
      e
d.

Bleeding out

and

Staining

The ring's canvas floor.

Watery eyes

Marred by dust,

Ears ringing

from dizzy dehydration,

Sweat,

Mingled with tears,

D

r

i

p

p

e

d

D
o
w
n

My

Naked

Soul,

Stinging,

Sanctifying,

and

Healing

Every

Exposed

Gash.

Proud Daughter

In a few months I will have the opportunity to introduce my mother to her graduating class as she accepts a Master's degree diploma.

She has kindly asked me to introduce her, and although there is plenty of time to craft the perfect presentation, I decided to go ahead and write one while the inspiration- for whatever reason- flows.

I'll save this post as a draft until after the ceremony to avoid ruining the surprise.

I love you, Mom, and am so proud of you!

"This next graduate is one I hold very near and dear to my heart. Who, from long before I could comprehend that the world was bigger than my own home, taught me that I would never be who I was truly meant to be until all of God's other children- no exceptions- had the same opportunities to progress, love, and live in happiness as I did. Though a well-seasoned explorer, never I have ever met someone with such a fierce, unconditional love for all humanity- who demonstrates these attributes in thought, word, and deed. I am so very blessed to have had her as a mentor, friend, coach, doctor, personal driver and chef, teacher, spiritual guide, therapist, and above all: a mother. I can also confident that I am not alone- many here today have been blessed by her courageous heart and gentle spirit as well. With this introduction, I now proudly present to you the woman who gave me life and teaches me how to live it, Kirsten Hagen Kennedy."

Easter Reflections

There are a lot of things I don't know.

It's a simple and yet sometimes discouraging truth,

That I'm quite human and fallible.

However, on this Easter evening my heart is- without a doubt- full of

Love

and 

Truths

That I feel and know with every fiber of my being, and that I sincerely feel compelled to share:

Jesus is the Christ.

His example to

Serve

Love

Lift

Refine

Heal

Lights up my soul at the very thought of

One who would give His life

To give life

For those who were treated as if they had nothing to live for.

The

Lepers

Outcasts

Poor

Women

Children

Downtrodden

Prostitutes

Beggars

Regardless of 

Age

Ethnicity

Creed

Gender

Income

He paved the way so that all might have a way

To

Joy

Love

Light

Even in the midst of life's

Sorrows

Trials

Struggles

Imperfections

Darkness

We can find

Comfort

Happiness

Transformation

Belonging

Light

Connection

and

Purpose.

Regardless of personal beliefs in Christ might we consistently ask ourselves the following questions:

How might we be extensions and embodiments of these principles?

How can we succor the weak?

Feed the hungry?

Clothe the naked?

Lift the beggar?

Saturate others (and ourselves) with transformative love?

Befriend the outcasts?

Light up the world?

How can we better walk each other home?

Let yourself be moved

Let yourself be deeply moved and truly affected by the world around you.

Shun the endless whispers to numb the divine feeler within you:

"Shake it off."

"Fake it 'til you make it."

"Let it go."

"Just forget about him already."

"Suck it up."

"Cheer up."

"Sticks and stones."

"Don't you think it's about time you moved on?"

Embrace the vicissitudes of life.

Lean into that which refines.

Life is not a random combination of isolated moments, independent encounters, and sterile emotions.

Life is...

A rock tumbler.

Blood.

Sun-kissed skin.

Bruises.

Class VI rapids.

Stretch marks.

Sweat.

Mistakes.

Death.

Tears.

Broken-hearts.

Cliff-jumping.

Birth.

Wrinkles.

Failures.

Rock-climbing.

Tears.

Sacrifice.

Sky-diving.

Second-chances.

Scars.

Nostalgia.

Faith.

The only benefit to a lifeless soul suffocated by protective bubble-wrap is the occasional fun of popping an air pocket or two.

But we aren't horrifically haunting porcelain dolls.

We are so much more than that.

We are...

Fierce.

Feelers.

and

Forgivers.

Products.

of

Progress.

and

Hope.

and

Experience.

Divine.

Lovers.

Embracers.

Adventurers.

Healers.

Complex.

Ondoyant.

Diverse.

Colorful.

Imprints.

and

Molds.

and 

Original recipes.

at the same time

Unapologetic.

Movers.

Shakers.

Friendship-ers.

Forgivers.

Ever.

Changers.

Becomers.

Transformers.

So let life carve deep into the fibers of your being.

For that is where the deepest joy resides.

Resist the temptation to numb.

Let yourself be moved.